Richard W. Church
The truth is, that what a man is is much more shown in his common words and doings than in his uncommon and seldom ones; and therefore it is these common words and doings which are of even more importance than what we call greater occasions. It may chance that a person who is peevish and ill-natured to people about him may be greatly touched by some case of distress, and may even put himself to great trouble and inconvenience to relieve it. It is a good thing that he should do so. Perhaps he may look on it as a proof of his ready sense of duty, of his love to Christ; [and] perhaps he gives little thought to the peevishness and ill-nature which prevail generally in what he says and does. But I greatly doubt whether this continual bad temper which is showing itself in the small events of life is not a much more serious matter in Christ's eyes than any one service, however apparently great.
This then is the Christian rule, not for great occasions but for ordinary and common life; the rule not for once in a while but for all day long, for about the house and in the room with others; the rule not merely for what we do to others but for what we say to them, and not merely for what we say to them but for the way of saying it; the rule against any vexing of others not by word only but by look and manner, and unkind tone of voice, or unkind holding our tongue. Who can tell the unkindness and uncharitableness and selfishness which is spread over the whole of our lives in our everyday going out and coming in, in the short speeches and even the short "yes" and "no" which pass between us--which wound, and sting, and provoke without our caring or troubling ourselves about it!
Surely nothing shows the heart mortified from the world, and indeed given up to God, more than the cheerful, gentle, constant endeavor to make the pleasure of others round us our pleasure. Nothing shows it more than the honest attempt to bear, with good heart and hope, the infirmities and faults of those with whom God has bound up our lot, and not to let our own faults provoke them and make their path more difficult and more troublesome. Nothing shows it more than the endeavor to be all day long looking out not for what will please ourselves, but for what will please those with whom we have to speak and to work and to live--whether they be strong or weak, good-tempered or cross, sensible or foolish, patient or impatient; to seek what will please them for their good, and, in pleasing them, will please God and Christ.
"We then who are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification. For even Christ pleased not Himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them who reproached Thee fell on me." (Romans 15:1-3)
St. Paul here gives us the rule for our behavior to one another in the common everyday concerns of life; in the hundreds and thousands of little matters that rise up between us all as we are joined together in families, or as acquaintances, or in employments; of the way we guide our words and deeds to those whom we meet with continually day after day.
I said just now, the little matters that rise up in our daily intercourse with one another. We call them little matters, and taken one by one they are, perhaps, so. But they are not at all little or of small consequence when taken all together. For, in fact, what is our whole life made up of but of these little matters? We are at our meals, or at our work, or we are chatting with people near us, or we are walking, or reading, or taking our pleasure. Small things in themselves, but they fill up our hours and days.
Great and serious actions and events do not make up our lives. It is not every day that we have an opportunity of helping some neighbor in trouble, or of bearing some great trial well, or of showing our patience in suffering. These things come only now and then. But our ordinary way of behaving to one another, our ordinary way of speaking to one another never stops. It goes on all day long, and from day to day, and from week to week.
Great and serious actions and events do not make up our lives. It is not every day that we have an opportunity of helping some neighbor in trouble, or of bearing some great trial well, or of showing our patience in suffering. These things come only now and then. But our ordinary way of behaving to one another, our ordinary way of speaking to one another never stops. It goes on all day long, and from day to day, and from week to week.
The truth is, that what a man is is much more shown in his common words and doings than in his uncommon and seldom ones; and therefore it is these common words and doings which are of even more importance than what we call greater occasions. It may chance that a person who is peevish and ill-natured to people about him may be greatly touched by some case of distress, and may even put himself to great trouble and inconvenience to relieve it. It is a good thing that he should do so. Perhaps he may look on it as a proof of his ready sense of duty, of his love to Christ; [and] perhaps he gives little thought to the peevishness and ill-nature which prevail generally in what he says and does. But I greatly doubt whether this continual bad temper which is showing itself in the small events of life is not a much more serious matter in Christ's eyes than any one service, however apparently great.
This then is the Christian rule, not for great occasions but for ordinary and common life; the rule not for once in a while but for all day long, for about the house and in the room with others; the rule not merely for what we do to others but for what we say to them, and not merely for what we say to them but for the way of saying it; the rule against any vexing of others not by word only but by look and manner, and unkind tone of voice, or unkind holding our tongue. Who can tell the unkindness and uncharitableness and selfishness which is spread over the whole of our lives in our everyday going out and coming in, in the short speeches and even the short "yes" and "no" which pass between us--which wound, and sting, and provoke without our caring or troubling ourselves about it!
It is here that the Apostle reminds us that Christ has bound us by law and by example not merely to help our neighbor, not merely to seek his good and do him service when he needs our assistance, but in all that is for his good to please him. We are not to keep our charity, our kindness, our readiness to put ourselves to trouble only for great occasions. These are but a small part of the life of any of us, and Christ never meant that they alone were to manifest our love and faith; and that the rest of our life (which is spent in the small common concerns and conversation of the day) was to go on without them; that were we kind and helpful when there was a case of distress or affliction, we might be as harsh and rough and sharp as we chose, as careless of what hurt other people's feelings and gave them pain when there was nothing but the usual course of our life going on. Here also we were to take care that we did not show ourselves selfish; that we were ready to give up our pleasure to please others, to think of what others would like, of what would vex and hurt them, of what would do them harm and lead them wrong.
Such is St. Paul's rule--the rule of taking thought for the feelings and wishes and comfort of others; how such and such a way of speaking, how such and such a look or tone of voice will affect them; keeping watch over words and speech in common matters of conversation in which--trifling as they are--so often a hasty word will bring up unkindness, put men out of humor, or even rise up into a quarrel.
What a different rule is this from that of the world! "Why should I care about what so and so likes? Why may I not say what I think? Why should I put up with his unpleasant disagreeable manner?"
These are the common sayings of the world. They bid us to please ourselves, and show our dislike of what does not please us. They bid us be kind and friendly to those we like, and to change our countenance and words and behavior to those we do not like. They teach us to pretend to be kind and friendly when we do not feel it, but where it is unsafe to show it. They tell us that there is no harm in always putting first our own wishes, our own credit, our own pleasure; that it is sufficient to be well-behaved in company but that we may be as ill-natured, sulky, bad-tempered as we choose at home.
These are the common sayings of the world. They bid us to please ourselves, and show our dislike of what does not please us. They bid us be kind and friendly to those we like, and to change our countenance and words and behavior to those we do not like. They teach us to pretend to be kind and friendly when we do not feel it, but where it is unsafe to show it. They tell us that there is no harm in always putting first our own wishes, our own credit, our own pleasure; that it is sufficient to be well-behaved in company but that we may be as ill-natured, sulky, bad-tempered as we choose at home.
There is hardly a better test of whether a man is in his secret heart trying to serve Christ with all his strength than his steady effort not to think first of what pleases himself, but of what pleases his neighbor in the small daily concerns of life. I say in the small daily concerns of life, for indeed it is in these that the difficulty is greatest. It is easier to please him, easier to give up our own pleasure in some one particular thing, once for all, than [to do so] continually day after day in the common course of things. It is easier to do a great act of kindness than to do it graciously. Many men could do the one who would fail in the other. Many men, after having begun the act of kindness, would find the single separate instances of having to bear with another's ways and to give up their wishes and pleasures to another day-after-day, often in mere trifles, too heavy a burden for their faith and their love of Christ.
Surely nothing shows the heart mortified from the world, and indeed given up to God, more than the cheerful, gentle, constant endeavor to make the pleasure of others round us our pleasure. Nothing shows it more than the honest attempt to bear, with good heart and hope, the infirmities and faults of those with whom God has bound up our lot, and not to let our own faults provoke them and make their path more difficult and more troublesome. Nothing shows it more than the endeavor to be all day long looking out not for what will please ourselves, but for what will please those with whom we have to speak and to work and to live--whether they be strong or weak, good-tempered or cross, sensible or foolish, patient or impatient; to seek what will please them for their good, and, in pleasing them, will please God and Christ.
Christ has given us an example: "For even Christ pleased not Himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached Thee, fell on me." Let us feel what a shame it is for Christians to be cross, ill-natured, selfish towards one another in even the small things of everyday life--when He who was so perfect put up with so much imperfection, He who was so wise bore with and was considerate to so much folly, He who was sinless welcomed sinners and gave them time to mend.
Let us remember how tender, how compassionate, how full of care for those round Him, how ready to make allowances was the Master whose Name we bear. Let us in word and look and voice try to bear one another's burdens instead of making those of others heavier. Let us not be afraid of denying ourselves. In time we shall reap the blessed fruit of such self-denial in the enlargement of our love and the strengthening of our faith. With the love of Christ shed abroad in our hearts, we shall find it not so hard and unpleasant a thing to give up pleasing ourselves in order to please our neighbor to his good.
Let us remember how tender, how compassionate, how full of care for those round Him, how ready to make allowances was the Master whose Name we bear. Let us in word and look and voice try to bear one another's burdens instead of making those of others heavier. Let us not be afraid of denying ourselves. In time we shall reap the blessed fruit of such self-denial in the enlargement of our love and the strengthening of our faith. With the love of Christ shed abroad in our hearts, we shall find it not so hard and unpleasant a thing to give up pleasing ourselves in order to please our neighbor to his good.
Village Sermons (condensed)
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